Author's note: I first wrote this back in January of 2020 when I was potty training Elle and have since added to it with this recent round of potty training Ava. As with all parenting things, potty training is not a one size fits all experience so take everything with a grain of salt and use this as a guide, not a holy grail. Good luck and God speed.
January 2020 -
Alright so here’s the 411 on potty training. I read the books – and by books, I mean book. I read Oh Crap! the potty training bible. And by read, I mean listened to on Audible because what mom has time to read these days? So I started listening to it when Elle was about 15 months just to dip my toes into the toilet water, so to speak. And I’m glad I did because I think it is the sole reason why we were able to potty train early successfully. One of the first tips is to get your child interested in going to the bathroom on the toilet. That means willingly taking your kid into the bathroom with you go and then giving them the play-by-play of what is happening and letting me have a front row seat to the before, during, and after of what goes on behind closed doors. I would let Elle look in the toilet, wave goodbye to whatever was in there, get my toilet paper for me – whatever her little heart desired. And truly, this is what sparked her interest in wanting to go on her own. So start this process as early as you are comfortable with (12 months+ probably). At around 18 months, she would tell me when she was going potty (both pee and poop) and even go on the toilet if we held her over it. She seemed to not like to go to the bathroom in her diaper and would ask to use the potty so at 19 months, I gave in. Let’s do the damn thing.
Another note: this was in COVID times so there was little else to do. I wasn't trying to be a hero by potty training an 18-month old.
Here is what I brought to prepare:
-Oh Crap! on Audible
-Training underwear (it’s padded so has some absorbency if they have an accident - you can also buy themed ones with characters your kid likes)
-Elmo’s potty training book (she would jump off a bridge if Elmo told her to)
-This potty for my car + extra bags
-This potty for my house so she can climb up herself
-This potty for the initial training that I carried around (a little cumbersome & the only reason why I used this one is because my mother-in-law had already bought it for us) but it looks like a real toilet so I think made her make the connection quickly
-This one to have at my in-laws
-This extra cover one to just have on hand (also in my car)
-This waterproof carseat cover, trust me!
Hindsight note from present day: this is a psychotic amount of toilets and very indicative of a first time mom doing something but I digress.
Feels like overkill and probably is – will report back which ones actually get used the most
A few weeks before:
-picked a week where I didn’t have much so I could dedicate 3 solid days to potty training. You will need to kind of clear your calendar to do this – it’s not a half ass kind of thing.
The night before:
The week leading up to potty training, I excitedly told Elle we were going to start potty training in ___ days and asked her if she was excited. She would say YES! Not knowing what she was agreeing to. The night before I told her “tomorrow you get to wear your big girl undies! Are you so excited?” she said YES! And that was that.
Day 1:
I covered her play area with towels just in case since I was going to be letting my naked child have free rein of that area during this process. We would also go outside for a lot of it as well but it was too chilly that morning to subject her to the elements first thing. Elle woke up and I went in there and we said goodbye to her diaper and threw it away. We made this a big, dramatic act - like a Hallmark-worthy breakup with the diaper. I then got her naked and explained that we were going to use her potty all day. We went to the bathroom and she sat on the potty (she knew how to because we had gotten it a few months earlier and she had “practiced” but I didn’t let her play with it like a toy – I put it away when it wasn’t in use). I also sat on the big toilet and we peed together. Motherhood is weird. Elle loves a good group activity and I knew I could get her to do her first pee if I did it too. Success! We celebrated and clapped and she helped me pour her pee into the big toilet and we waved goodbye and cleaned out her potty. We then took it to her play area and I explained to her that if she had to go to the bathroom, she needed to use her potty [points to potty] she nodded and then I got her breakfast and a big cup of water. She ate, drank water, and went pee again on her potty. I wanted to make the day fun (it is VERY boring as the parent on call because you have to keep an eye on them as all times – this is pure dedication) so I Postmated some good coffee for me and a donut to share with Elle. We listened to music, read books, played, she peed a few more times and we were off to a good start. There was one time where she started peeing sitting down and I quickly moved her to the toilet. She completely got it and finished on her potty. The only accident she had that day was when I ran to my car to grab something and left her to run around the house. It was my fault.
Rule #1 – don’t take your eyes off of them. Rule #2 – if you have to, make sure they pee first. If they do have an accident, it’s best to not dwell on it. Just say “remember pee (or poop) goes in the potty!” and then make them help clean it up. The rest of the day went as planned. We even did an outing to my moms house in the afternoon (about a 10 minute drive). I put a big t-shirt on her and her training undies and explained to her over and over that peeing is for the potty and she doesn’t want to get her undies wet (there are dogs on them so I said “DON’T GET THE DOGGIES WET!”) I also asked her if she had to go potty the entire way there and reiterated that we could go when we got to my moms and to keep the doggies dry. We made it, no problem. I took her underwear off when we got there and set her potty up outside. We played outside for a little and then went home. I made sure to have her go pee before we left and always offered to let her go pee when we got to whatever destination we were going to i.e. “hey honey, we just got home! Do you need to go potty?” and then I listened. If she said no, then that was that. Every pee got celebrated – that was the treat, no other incentives. She loved when I went pee with her, made it more fun and like more of a bonding experience. And then, right before she went to bed, she told me she had to poop and she…did. Girlfriend went poop on the potty. That got a huge round of applause. I held her hand while she pooped because I read that it is kind of scary for them and they don’t really understand what is happening so I just explained what was going on to her and let her view her, em, accomplishment afterwards. Dumped it in the toilet, flushed, cleaned out her bowl and put her to bed.
Two things to mention: I am not nap or nighttime potty training Elle right now. We are going to wait on that for a little. But I did explain to her when I was putting on her pull up that these were just for when she sleeps and we would take them off when she woke up. I also asked her if she wanted a diaper for sleeping and she said yes so I respected those wishes. I did notice that her diapers were much dryer even on day 1. It’s crazy how quickly they pick things up.
Day 2:
Much of the same as day 1 but I kept the potty in the bathroom instead of bringing it everywhere around the house with us. I explained to her that the potty would be kept in the bathroom and if she needed to go, she would have to run to the bathroom. I still kept her naked from the waist down. We did another outing to my moms which went great. She completely understood the concept and the time between pees was getting longer aka she was learning how to hold it. Great. The only hiccup of the day came when I had to leave Elle at my in-laws with Cory and he didn’t have her pee before she got in the car so she had an accident in her car seat. Again, our fault. We continually explained to her that the potty was in the bathroom. We would even do practice runs, which she thought was fun, where we said “ok if you have to go potty you are going to run run run over here to the bathroom where your potty is” and she would follow and giggle. But she got it. Again, she was bottomless all day.
Day 3:
Again, much of the same as day 1 and 2 but we put her training underwear on all day or pajamas without underwear. Basically we are trying to get her used to having something on her bottom that isn’t a diaper and knowing that she is going to have to pull it down to go to the bathroom. Wake up, go potty, play, ask if she has to go potty way too many times, help her get her underwear/bottoms off if she does (she doesn’t know how to do this yet). We did a few outings. Again, the amount of time she is able to hold it is getting way longer. Like today she would usually pee an hour and a half after her last pee. This is a LONG time and she also was not drinking as much liquids as she usually does so I’m sure it all depends on how much liquids they consume. She loves her undies which helps. I let her pick out which ones she wants to wear that day and she thinks that’s fun. We did a few outings and my mother-in-law even took her for a few hours so I could get work done. She followed all of my protocols. No accidents today! A big part of the success so far has been that 1) I’m not nervous about accidents – like I don’t care if they happen and 2) we are just going for it. I have no expectations. I think they can sense if you are nervous about accidents or are frustrated with the process and that can stall it out a little so try to make it fun (put on your favorite music, crack open some alcohol a little early if need be etc.). Just keep a spare change of clothes, spare undies, a car potty and anything else you might need handy just in case.
Day 4:
Today was the day I stopped being a helicopter potty trainer and saw what happened when I didn’t ask her 1,000 times “do you have to go potty?” I wanted to see if she would go on her own or if she would tell me she has to go without being prompted. Update: she does. Wow, it’s working! She is able to go a few hours in between going potty which is great because it gives us time to actually do things. I would say 1 ½ to 2 hours is the typical (depending on how much she drinks). Today we also attempted a diaper-less nap per her recommendation. I asked her if she wanted undies or her pull ups for nap and she said “UNDIES!” so I reminded her that she needs to hold it and she doesn’t want to get Elmo wet (Elmo is on her underwear today) and she nodded like she got it. But we are just going for it. I am totally ok with an accident – I’m just proud that she wanted to try to nap without a diaper. She had a little bit of a shorter nap (more around 2 hours than the usual 3) and did NOT have an accident. We also got new Elmo underwear today and she LOVES them. I tell her to “keep Elmo dry!” and I think it’s another way for her to connect to the potty training. She started to tell me when she had to go potty more and more and this was just a let go and trust her kind of day. No accidents.
Day 5-7: Elle is starting to give longer and longer stretches. Her diapers after nap/nighttime are getting dryer and dryer. The process is working! Just have to ask her “do you have to go potty?” 300x a day and sometimes just put her on the potty to see if she has to go. Occasionally if I really want her to go before we leave the house, I will bribe her with something she loves (her vitamin gummy, a hug, being able to feed our dog etc.) and that always works. I am trying not to rely too heavily on bribing though or treat giving because I don’t want her to expect a treat every time she goes to the bathroom. I have noticed that she tends to poop at night after I have put her down & her diaper is on. I know this is super common but just be aware that this might happen. She has gone on the potty a few times but seems to prefer to hold it until diaper is on. It is what it is. She hasn’t had many accidents, only 3 or 4 total and 2 of them happened the day I was hungover so I wasn’t paying enough attention to how much liquid she drank/the time between when she last went. My fault.
Update (almost 1 month out): Potty training has stuck and it is now second nature. Elle had a week of not going poop before just giving in and pooping on her potty. I think pooping kind of scares them as first but now she is used to it. She now tells me when she has to go BUT I also have noticed that on the rare occasion she has an accident, it’s always because I have left her alone for a few minutes in a private place (like when she locks herself in the pantry because she thinks it’s funny) so just watch out for that. I always make her go first thing in the morning, before we leave the house, after we arrive somewhere (usually doesn’t go because I make her go before we leave the house), and before bed so she knows that is part of the routine now. Her nap/nighttime diapers are basically dry so we might try to nighttime train in the near future. I keep a tote in my car that has her travel potty (for on the go purposes), extra underwear, an extra outfit, & wipes. It just gives me peace of mind in knowing that I don’t have to constantly be trying to find out where the nearest bathroom is. For public outings, I usually just wipe the toilet down with sanitizer wipes and try to hold her over the toilet so she doesn’t touch anything. Overall though, it was an easy process and went way better than expected. It is so amazing how quickly they pick things up at this age!
Other tips:
-put a towel or dog pee pad under your kid in their car seat if you are worried about accidents
-keep a potty, extra underwear, and an extra set of clothes in your car
-don’t try to potty train hungover
-sometimes kids will want privacy when they go to the bathroom so you can try to give them some or put their potty in a small enclosed area (like a coat closet)
-for eating the first day, I just fed Elle in her play area to avoid any accidents in her high chair
-after I noticed a dry diaper after naps, I have tried just putting a sposie pad in her underwear during naps to get her used to diaper-less sleep situations – we are working out way up to overnight potty training but I just don’t have it in me yet.
-sometimes if I know she needs to pee but she gets a little pee shy I’ll make a “psssssssss” noise and it ALWAYS makes her start peeing
SECOND CHILD POTTY TRAINING EDITION
Ok so the year is now 2023 veering on 2024 and I am attempting to potty train kid #2. Here are the takeaways. The method above is still a good one BUT I don’t know if I went in with an ego because potty training Elle was so easy or I am just generally lazier as a parent but the lack of paying attention and having a free range second child has led to more accidents for sure. We are on day 3 and so far I think she is getting it. Only time will tell. Ava is 22 months and was showing all the signs – had pooped and peed on the potty, didn’t like having a dirty or wet diaper etc. She definitely has not taken to it as quickly as Elle but I am attempting to keep my expectations low and not compare. I have kept her outside the entire time (a luxury of living in Southern California) which has made any accidents not a big deal.
My second time non-rookie potty trainer tips: MAKE IT FUN FOR YOU. This is not a fun experience per se. But I make it so but putting on music, getting my favorite food or coffee delivered and scheduling fun, easy field trips to break up the day. For example, visiting my mother-in-law because I know she will basically potty train Ava for me so I get a break.
Other things I have learned: singing or providing background noise can help your kid do their business. I think dead silence makes them nervous and therefore withhold.
If your kid is withholding (a fancy term for holding in their pee or poop), try having them blow out a [pretend or real] candle or blow up a balloon if you have one handy. It, er, relaxes things. This is a hot tip for the very common problem of kids not wanting to poop when being potty trained - an issue we personally haven't faced but majority of people do.
This time around I used Peejamas which are typically used for nighttime training but I used them to take Ava out into public so I was less nervous about accidents. Look, this is not your first kid – you are just going to be less attentive and less on it this time around. Peejamas are like a security blanket that doesn’t feel like a diaper but absorbs like a full nights worth of pee and seems to have the stamina to contain anything solid too.
Another rookie mistake I made this time around is using those small baby Björn potties because they are hard for kids to maneuver and too low to the ground. I wish I had kept my potty that looks like a mini toilet because it was like a method acting experience and was the right height. This time around Ava does better just peeing/pooping on the big toilet and doesn’t really want anything to do with her potty training potty. I have the Frida one coming this weekend so will report back on that.
Overall, she seems to be understanding the concept and we will see how many changes of clothes she or I will need tomorrow. God speed.
2 week update: Potty training with Elle was linear. Potty training with Ava has had peaks and valleys, for sure. Some days I feel like she’s getting it. Other days, we have multiple accidents. This is a great lesson in “no two children are alike”. I feel like Ava is not quite as advanced as Elle was in terms of being able to speak her needs i.e. asking to use the potty or being aware that she even has to pee. I also feel like Ava isn’t fully emptying her bladder sometimes – like she is just doing micro pees to placate me. Overall though, she hasn’t worn a diaper in two weeks except for naps and bedtime and the consequences have been minimal – a little bit of pee here, a small puddle there. I definitely notice she is doing the thing that even Elle did where they hold their poop for naptime so they can do it in a diaper which I am fine with and know she will grow out of. She has pooped on the potty many times so I know she can do it. We also saw a fun trick on my now all potty-training algorithm popular page that you can have a kid blow bubbles into a cup with water and it’ll help them relax to release. Another hot tip from the internet, gotta love ‘em.
Also pretty much all of Ava’s accidents happen when she is zoning out watching TV or left alone for too long. I think kids are so used to just having no control over their bladder and bowel functions that when they zone out they revert back to this. So I have limited screen time and am constantly in her ear about going to the bathroom. She is heading back to school next week and they offered to assist in the potty training process which is amazing so we will see how that change in environments go. I also notice that she is doing way better when she has her little chonies (what we call underwear) on instead of full butt naked because she notices the cloth and “doesn’t want to get Bluey wet” – her underwear are Bluey training undies.
I think the biggest takeaway is that I have just persisted even with accidents and I really don’t care about the accidents. They mostly happen outside so it’s no harm, no foul. I set my expectations really low and knew accidents were likely so I haven’t felt discouraged by them. Elle definitely took to potty training quicker than Ava did but, again, that’s just a parental life lesson to not compare your kids. Ava is napping right now but when she wakes up we will take off her diaper immediately and I will have her throw her diaper away. We have errands to run so I’ll let her pick out her underwear and we will go potty and hit the road. I will also bring her new Frida potty with us in case she has to go and there aren’t any sanitary bathrooms nearby. I will also remind her in the car to let me know if she has to go and to keep her chonies dry. We have some back to back errands to run so this will be a good testament to how long she can hold it and how much of a handle she has on potty training. Truthfully, I will also probably avoid giving her large amounts of liquid unless she asks for it. I will report back next week once she starts school!
Update from a month post-potty train: Ava has been doing great. She still wears pullups for naptime and bedtime but has been doing awesome. Unlike Elle, Ava isn’t great at telling us she has to go potty yet so we just take her every 30-45 minutes and sit her on the toilet. It’s annoying but it works and I’m sure as her language develops more, she will get better at this. Ava's school has been super helpful assisting with potty training and they made it known when we started that they were a "potty training friendly" place and welcome the challenge. This is something to keep in mind when you choose a preschool - ASK if they help with potty training. Bonus points if they do.
Any time I want an extra buffer, I put Ava in peejamas just to ease any anxieties over an accident. I also just don’t really care if she has an accident because I know it’s all part of the process and they really are few and far between now. Ava definitely took longer than Elle to nail potty training and THAT IS OK. Every kid is so different and this is just one of the many examples of this. The point is: she was showing interest, she took a little while to get it down, I could tell she understood the process though (as opposed to trying with a kid who is not ready and showing no signs of readiness), and we just had to keep practicing and working at it to nail it. I told myself I’d stick a potty in the car for on the go urges but haven’t really even had to do that. I did purchase the Frida potty this time around and have liked it. The true test will be traveling next week but, again, low expectations are a mom’s best friend. Oh, and I started bribing Ava with m&m's like a veteran mom should. Adler, out!
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